Truly Truly Outrageous.

Wow…So, I haven’t actually posted anything in a really long time.

It’s not for lack of trying, I just haven’t written anything good. I seem to be going through somewhat of a dry spell. And I’ve been watching a lot of cartoons with my daughter.

A lot of cartoons.

I kind of feel like a cartoon snob now.

You know how there’s those food critics and like, wine snobs who can rattle off inconsequential things that a normal person wouldn’t care about but they do because they’re food critics and wine snobs?

That’s me, but with cartoons.

And since the whole life-improvement thing is in the “let’s wait and see what happens, hopefully things are gonna work out, maybe, cross your fingers, hold your breath and try not to get your hopes up” phase, I thought it’d be fun to start blogging about something fun and light-hearted. And that’s when I decided on:

Because Jem is excitement and adventure.

And what could possibly be better than glamour and GLITTER, fashion and fame?! (notice the alliteration? Isn’t it genius?! Oh Jem, your lyrics have so much depth!)

And her music truly is contagious. Truly.


Ok, so technically, that was The Stingers and they don’t actually show up until the third season but just try and listen to that song only once. I can pretty much guarantee, even if the song hasn’t just burned holes into your brain, you’re going to have to watch the music video a few more times.

And I know you now have a million questions that need to be answered. Questions such as:

  • Why is there an early nineties mid-eighties cartoon set in Greece?
  • Who is that David Bowie/Sigfried & Roy love child?
  • Why is he singing about destiny and is he supposed to be turning me on?
  • Why does that chick with the long blonde hair look like she’s going to eat the guy with the purple hair?
  • Are we not supposed to question that there’s a guy with purple hair and a girl with hot pink hair?
  • Are they even allowed to have that much kissing in a cartoon geared towards elementary school girls?

And most importantly…

What is this crack and how can I get some?!

And, yes, my friend, I will share this awesome crack with you. I will even attempt to answer most of those questions. However, a lot of them can’t be answered until you’ve truly learned to appreciate how outrageous Jem is.

Just to give you an idea, Jem was EVERYTHING I wanted to be when I was little.jem

This was so gonna be me when I grew up. So what if Jem’s not Mexican? Don’t be racist.

She was way prettier and SO much cooler than Barbie.

And the thing I loved even more than her great taste in fashion, deeply moving lyrics, and state of the art technology, was the outrageous love triangle between Jerrica, Rio, and Jem.

Seriously, what eight year old girl wouldn’t think that was the most romantic thing on earth? The only way it could have been better would have been if there were two guys fighting over Jem…

Oh wait!

That is the triangle of Rio, Jem, and Riot. Although, technically, it’s more of a love quadrangle, since Rio is supposed to be dating Jerrica but again, I’ll explain all of that later.

Are you confused yet?

I’m not gonna lie, it’s been almost twenty years since I first met Jem and I’m still in love with the potential that all these characters have. Eight year old me couldn’t even begin to appreciate the awesomeness that Jem represented. And even though my two year old baby girl will get super hyper and start dancing around the living room anytime she hears the Jem theme song, her tiny baby brain (as genius as it is) isn’t meant to understand it either.

I, however, am an adult and I thrive off of living vicariously through melodramatic fictional characters.

And another thing, this show is called Jem! Not Riot. Your hair is not allowed to be bigger than mine!

“Riot, I don’t care that I totally agreed to go on a three day cruise to Mexico. You forged a postcard from me and sent it to all my friends so that they’d think I ran off with you FOREVER! And then crashed us onto a deserted island when I got tired of watching you water ski and tried to escape back to the US. Rio found us even though the Mexican Coast Guard thought we were dead! Obviously, he truly loves me. Even if he is technically Jerrica’s boyfriend.”

I guess the question is, are you ready to be swept up in the magic and mayhem that is Jem?

You’ve found this blog…

And you know you wanted to watch that video again. The song is catchy!

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