My Failed Attempt At: Cake Balls

Most people who know me, know that not only am I amazing at procrastination and rambling nonsensically, I’m also a pretty good fairly decent baker.

Or at least I like to pretend I am.

Once upon a time I was in culinary school so every now and then I like to read up on sites like bakerella or Joy of Baking and think to myself, Ha! I can do that! It’s so simple!

So after skimming a basic step by step about red velvet cake balls and texting my friend El Paso (who has been selling cake balls during the holidays), I decided I was totally capable of handling something that simple.

Boy was I wrong.

I decided to go with El Paso’s Oreo ball recipe (which I will post someday when I get around to it) because it was the simplest recipe to follow. I figured even though i was the best baker ever it would make more sense to start with something easy, that way I’d get the hang of it and not waste expensive ingredients.

I think my first mistake was thinking I knew just as much as the ladies who make a living selling this stuff.
But, you know, I’m only one class away from getting my patisserie and baking degree so obviously I know what I’m doing.

After i smushed some Oreos and cream cheese together,
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I rolled them into balls

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and froze them for a couple of hours.

It wasn’t hard at all because there was literally no baking involved.

It was so simple!

So where did I go wrong?

I blame the chocolate.

Despite having spent way too many hours learning about how to temper chocolate in school, I couldn’t for the life of me get the chocolate to look good.

I don’t know if it was because the kitchen was freezing, the type of chocolate i was using was wrong (all the blogs and my friends told me to use chocolate bark but I was too lazy busy to look for it), or just because i melted the chocolate in the microwave instead of going through the actual process of tempering it (There’s a whole science to melting chocolate but I don’t feel like writing about it right now.) but my cake balls did not look anything at all like I wanted them to.
Instead of looking like this, they looked like this:

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Crap.

Or as my sister put it, rabbit crap.

They tasted awesome though. You know, once you got over the fact that you were biting into something that looked like poop.

The smart thing to do, would have been to analyze my mistakes and try to prevent that ugliness from happening again. But, I needed to make a Christmas present for my secret Santa so I decided since my first batch wasn’t a complete fail, I could attempt to make lemon cake balls with my lemon bar cupcake recipe (again I’ll post that when I’m not feeling lazy).

And once again, the baking of the cake
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and the rolling of the balls (teehee)
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was not hard.

It was the damn chocolate.

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Otra vez!

Argh. I dunno.

The first time, I thought maybe the chocolate hadn’t been melted properly so this second time, I attempted to temper it.
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I like to tell myself that because I used regular white chocolate chips instead of chocolate bark, it made the fat separate from the rest of the chocolate.

I’d also like to blame it (again) on our freezing cold kitchen.

What I got was this weird modeling chocolate consistency that I ended up folding around each cake ball.

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And that couldn’t possibly have been because I used milk to thin the chocolate out instead of heavy cream.

Next time If I ever make these stupid things again, I’m gonna spend the extra money and buy the ingredients I was supposed to.

And in case you were wondering, the lemon cake balls actually tasted pretty good. The lemon made the cake really sour and the white chocolate made it really sweet. But by that point, i was so irritated that the work just didn’t seem worth the results. Plus, I just don’t like white chocolate anymore.

I think I’ll just stick to cupcakes.

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Aw, crap.

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